Colby Kultgen says, “The fastest way to kill something is to compare it to something else.”
I’m sitting with this at the moment because I often don’t even know I’m doing it.
We are so accustomed to comparing things because the world tells us to only seek the best of the best. Businesses fight for our attention, comparing themselves to their competitors and asking us to make our choice or else.
Some of us experience comparisons from our parents of us to our siblings, or we see our siblings being compared to us. We learn to internalise these subtle connections really early on (one is better than the other). We also become products of comparison with our parent’s former selves.
This early social conditioning sets us up for a lifetime of habitually comparing ourselves…
Things are either similar to other things or significantly dissimilar, creating points of contention. Actually, there will always be dissimilarity in what we do compared with others, and instead of seeing that as a good thing, we make it an identifying factor of what’s wrong with us.
What if we started seeing dissimilarity as our greatest asset? As something to cherish and foster.
I’ve compared myself to people around me a lot over the last few years as I question my purpose, desires and identity. And I’m seriously questioning whether this way of being is worth it.
Obviously, it’s not. It’s draining, and it sucks. But if I don’t stop and ask myself this question, I will keep going on the comparison pathway that leads to hurt and disappointment.
Genuinely, though, in the moments I’ve compared myself or my abilities to someone else, I’ve experienced the death that Colby Kultgen illustrates in his unpacking of what comparison is capable of.
That part of me that I am excited about or finally willing to show others dies when I compare it to something/someone else. What’s birthed instead is inaction. Fueled by negative self-talk, I’m worse off than when I started. Not only has something in me been killed, but I’m now ridiculing myself for something that has no right to even exist.
Writing this down is part of the solution. Being self-aware is a huge and beautiful leap in the right direction. So the next time I feel the need to compare myself with something else, I will ask, “What will this comparison achieve.“
Let’s take more leaps together. Every day. Moment by moment.
