If you are going to be creative, you have to be in a state of play. You can’t play if you’re being careful. — John Cleese
This isn’t the full quote or context of what Cleese was talking about, but I wanted to reflect on this first part.
I’m so familiar with the state of play one has to be in to create. It’s one of the most joyous experiences, and I’m grateful that I get to experience it often.
Without this state, being creative becomes challenging. Seeing clearly isn’t always possible, and knowing what to do next becomes rigid. This is further complicated when you approach creativity with caution and a need to stay careful, whether consciously or not.
Sometimes, this caution stems from not wanting to make a mistake; other times, it’s a symptom of not letting go of all the care you’re providing to everyone else around you.
That’s where I am right now.
I’m frozen in a state of sorting things out for other people. Every decision involves considering how it will affect others. Every day is defined by how much I can accomplish for everyone else.
The thing is, all I want is to return to that state of play. All I want is to be creative and have moments to myself where it’s just me, my hands, my ideas, and the creative work I’m invested in.
Maybe the first step back to play is remembering that taking time to play is essential to me. Not because creativity makes me a better caregiver, but because it makes me more fully myself. Recognising this need and honouring it without justification is its own form of self-care.
A quiet rebellion against the belief that my worth is measured only by what I give to others.
