“You will never find time for anything. If you want time, you must make it” — Charles Baxton
I have forgotten this simple truth, and it’s made life unbearably difficult over the last few weeks.
At the beginning of this year, I started a practice of dedicating every Wednesday morning to creativity before beginning the day. Nothing else could intrude—no urgent request gained my attention, just creativity in whatever format felt most aligned.
It was transformative, making a significant difference to my day and the week as a whole.
Life took over, and I was pulled away from my normalcy and routine, losing the momentum of being consistently dedicated to this practice. At first, I was distracted and unable to see the lost value each week. However, as time has passed, I’m beginning to see the consequences of neglecting this commitment.
Today was the first day in a long time that I returned to this posture. I chose to protect this time and created something. I made the time.
The rest of the day was a complete downward spiral—feeling intensely out of control, overstimulated, and anxious beyond measure.
I’m not sure if these experiences are connected, but I’ve been running for so long that my nervous system exists in a constant state of survival mode. As The Still Practice™ describes it, I’m “living in a constant state of deferred presence.”
Perhaps the crash wasn’t because I gave myself creative time, but because I finally experienced what presence feels like after months of its absence. The contrast was jarring—like stepping from a dark room into sunlight, the beauty is undeniable, but the adjustment is overwhelming.
I’m realising that reclaiming presence isn’t just about scheduling creative time. It’s about remembering that I deserve to exist fully in each moment, not just survive through them.
The anxiety may be my system’s way of grieving all the moments I’ve missed while living in perpetual motion.
I’m going to return to presence, but I must approach it more gently, honouring both the need for stillness and the tender adjustments it requires.
