You don’t become selfish. You become harder to manipulate.
– don’t confuse the two.
— By poets
Sometimes, we need this reminder. I know I do…
Becoming harder to manipulate is not the same as becoming selfish. These are distinct concepts that get dangerously conflated. Setting boundaries doesn’t make you selfish—it makes you less susceptible to those who would control you.
“Manipulate” seems like a strong word, but if we’re truly honest with ourselves, certain relationships leave us no choice but to name what’s happening.
manipulate (verb) mə-ˈni-pyə-ˌlāt
To control or take advantage of by artful, unfair, or insidious means.
The artfulness of manipulation is what makes it so dangerous—it is often invisible until the damage is done.
It involves the quiet erosion of boundaries, the subtle shifting of responsibility, and the gentle twisting of reality.
So, I’m leaning into the discomfort of making myself harder to manipulate—not out of selfishness but self-preservation.
Because protecting your peace isn’t selfish, it’s necessary.
