Stop asking:
“Will this upset anyone?”
Start asking:
“Is this true to who I am? Is it true to who I want to be?”
I know that I need to start asking myself different questions. Much of my internal dialogue is centred around ensuring that others around me are happier, more comfortable, and more seen than I am.
One of my biggest challenges right now is understanding why this pattern exists. Even acknowledging this reality shows me how my focus and self-questioning have been aimed in the wrong direction. I hold myself with compassion while processing this realisation, but it remains a significant adjustment.
I see numerous resources online about specific traumas and childhood relational dynamics that explain the psychology behind people-pleasing tendencies. These explanations resonate deeply, and some provide valuable educational insights.
Yet, changing instinctive behaviour remains my struggle. Interrupting long-established thought patterns with helpful, authentic questions feels like learning a new language. But with each practice attempt, I strengthen my commitment to asking: “Is this true to who I am? Is it true to who I want to be?”
Because the person I want to be knows her own truth before concerning herself with others’ comfort. And she’s already here, waiting patiently for me to give her voice.
